Complacency

Complacency. 

It's awful. 

I struggle a lot with this. 

I posted, February, how i had completely lost a relationship with Jesus. 10 months on, I've done it again. 

I struggle to see the big picture. Sometimes, I live in a day-to-day world. Where I pray for this exam, and for this person who I want to have a Godly conversation with. 

That's not necessarily a bad thing...

...but complacency is.

That feeling of, "i haven't sinned" "i'm good enough" are bad.

Going to church. It's like a ceremony,it's the same over and over again. 

Doing a QT, just an analysis of a bible text and how to apply it to life.

Praying, for me. For things to go my way. 

It's just not good enough.

Why do I seem to miss things? Why do I miss the big picture, of life? 

Why does it take a massive revelation for me to realise where I'm going wrong?!

When is the last time, i sat and told God how I felt? How, i was disappointed about not getting that uni offer, about how that maths test went awfully, how much I wanted that guy to tell me he loved me?

See, I can't even get day to day living right.

I am an awful christian. I don't know why or understand why he chose me. He shouldn't have done. 

I am so humbled, and overwhelmed about how little I am, and how Amazing God is. 

I've screwed up. But he still loves me.