Okay so tonight I went to a new church and suddenly, i had a glimpse of God showing me stuff personally to me, and i've drawn a diagram to help me here.
Okay, so this looks weird I know. Lots of random dots. I'll try to explain this.
The blue dots are my sin, things I do that aren't Christian, like swearing, drinking, being selfish, being judgemental, not showing love.
The red dots are the good things I do within Christanity like reading the bible, praying, evangalizing etc
These aren't proportional, just random.
Okay so ni the middle, is Jesus.
Lately, i've felt very disconnected from God. And no matter when I prayed or read the bible, it didn't come to me, I still felt far away.
I had completely missed the point, I had lost a relationship with Jesus.
Reading the bible is an AID to the relationship. Encouraging and loving is what we should act like. Praying (the way I was doing it) wasn't right.
I had totally missed Jesus.
So, I'm going back to basics.
I'm not sure how, I need as much prayer as possible.
I shouldn't be struggling.
Just have a think, with the people around you, do you know what they struggle with in their walk with God? The people in church, do you know what they struggle with? Other Christians you know, do you know what they struggle with?
I'm guessing, unless they are a close friend, the answer is probably no.
It seems to be a "Christian" thing to hide struggles with God. i say "christian" as of course, it's not meant to be a Christian thing, it's a man made ideal where people don't want to let their struggles.
Just an example, I was having a conversation with someone I knew, but not very well. We were just having a chat and we got onto the topic of the whole teenage smoking-drinking-drugs-sex and everything. I admitted stuff to this person, what I was truly struggling with. They were so taken aback, as they didn't think Christians were MEANT to be struggling with that sort of stuff, and they had been feeling really guilty about it all.
Is this how it's meant to be? We feel like we're not meant to struggle. Maybe people feel like they are failing if they suddenly admit to struggling. This is harder for Christians who have been Christians for longer, because supposedly they are meant to be more "holy".
I can't do that
So maybe we hide it. Maybe we pretend to have an open walk with Jesus and other Christians. But the struggles, the pain, we hide it. We maybe hide it from God because we're ashamed. People may think your a fake if you struggle whilst becoming a Christian. We shouldn't have these doubts and sins and pain and struggles . . .right?
No. Not at all. You are not a fake in any way because you are struggling. By pretending and being eaten up by doubt, you are acting fake. Anyone who follows Jesus would turn around and help you, and admit their sins to you too.
"Afraid to let your secrets out. Everything that you hide can come crashing through the door now. But too scared to face all your fear. So you hide but you find that the shame won't disappear" - Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue
Oh yes you can
Keep going. Keep walking, keep pressing in, keep confessing. Don't give up. He'll heal you, and he won't let you go.
I'm not saying to shout around the rooftops, but I'm saying don't hide anymore.
God loves you, God wants to help you.
